Foreword: I am not the type to share hurt or failure, I’d rather put on a smile and pretend everything is okay. This is what VULNERABLE looks like for me and I have been absolutely terrified to share this. At the same time, this is me obeying God and trusting in His plan. This is moving on.
In February of 2018 (yes only 9 months ago), we bought our “Forever Farm,” or so we thought. One thing I never shared in February was our terrible experience of purchasing our first home and all the trials we went through. I had convinced myself that it was all normal, things were going to be okay, and that this was OUR house. I fought with all of my being just to make it work. Even when that meant not listening to my own husband, who, with so much wisdom kept saying “maybe this just isn’t what God has planned for us.” I’ll call myself out.. I was being persistent and strong-minded, determined to get what I thought was best.
So fast forward through this process that took what felt like months, we finally closed and moved in. I had fallen in love with this cozy, little farmhouse that sat on 11 acres with an incredible shop for Jamie. Or maybe I had just fallen in love with the thought of moving back home closer to family and having this “simple” farm life. Either way, there is nothing that will beat the views and sitting on that back porch looking out at the rolling hills behind the house. I still think about it all the time. We made plans to remodel and add an entire master side of the house and to enlarge the kitchen several years down the road. We had made plans for a little cracker barn on the property and how we would turn it into a playhouse for our kids one day. We often talked about how much our kids would love to play in the creek behind the house. There were so many things to love about this place.
Shortly after moving in, we began some remodeling (shiplap, of course!) and I quickly realized remodeling was not as fun as people make it seem…or at least not for me. It’s messy, time consuming, and SOO expensive! We put house projects on hold for a while and started working on fences and pens outside. We bought a couple of goats about a month after moving in, then bought a couple more, months later (Oh we just love those little guys!) We were really loving life on the farm, even though it felt like we were mowing our lives away and fixing something every day.
The next part of this story took me days to write and I probably read over it 1,693 times before posting…. Here goes… give me grace friends.
When we moved back, Jamie and I both started new jobs and took a bit of a pay cut. When we got approved for our loan we were approved based on what we were making at our previous jobs… and well I’m sure you know where this is headed. We had become house poor. I’m sure you’re also thinking, “Didn’t you think about that before you bought the house? It’s kind of common sense.” The answer is yes. I did realize that we would be making less but I was still stubborn and determined to purchase the home. I just figured we would make it work. I didn’t stop and listen to God, I led with my head and did what I wanted to do.
Days started to feel frustrating rather than joyful, especially the first of every month when we watched that chunk of money leave our bank account. We were constantly restricted with how much we could do at the house and in life. Financial stress is no joke. Most of all we have talked about having kids for a while now. Jamie drops his little “dad” hints all the time (absolutely melts my heart). But in these months, starting a family had become a terrifying thought rather than exciting. That was the worst part of all to me because I long so badly to be a mom one day and to be able to give our kids a great life.
Things that I had instilled into my first graders- to be positive and to find joy no matter the circumstance, had seemed hopeless for myself. Over the course of the next several months we went through the loss of 2 puppies to Parvo, 1 dog being hit by a car, 2 sick goats, and other issues that would take more bravery than I have to explain right now.
Through all of this, we continued to tithe and give all glory to God that we were never at a point where we weren’t able to make payments. We never once blamed Him for this season even through trials. We knew this was a learning season for us. I will never forget the Sunday before the decision you will hear about below. The sermon our pastor preached felt like it was designed specifically for me. I know full and well that God used pastor Mark as he was teaching about hearing the voice of God. In a specific part of his message he preached about how God will speak to us through pain. This resonated with me especially in this season of life and all that we were going through. My favorite thing pastor said was, “Our most powerful moments of growth seem to always come from the most painful moments in life.” I know that I serve a good God who delights in seeing our joy. I know He does not delight in seeing us in pain nor does he create it. I now know that in every situation throughout these months God knew the healing and purpose it would bring. The strength it would give our marriage, the closeness to Him that it would bring, and the peace it would give me about raising children.
Proverbs 20:30 NLT “Sometimes it takes a painful experience to make us change our ways.”
Side Note: You can listen to that sermon here- Four Ways God Speaks To Us
So on to the next chapter…..
I don’t remember the exact day or what triggered us to put our house on the market, but I do remember feeling peace about it. Not just peace, I felt relief. When we decided to list we also decided to put 100% of our faith in the Lord and expect answers from Him throughout the process. We were determined to have a better experience this time around. So we reached out to a local realtor who was absolutely incredible to us. She got our house on the market days after meeting with her and it sold in 6 days!! We could not believe it. We also got to meet the couple purchasing and could not be happier for them.
So on to some exciting news…we’re building a house!! Well, half of a house. We are building a starter home with only 2 bedrooms and 1 bath for now. We will add on down the road when we need the extra space for kids. We are sticking to a budget that we can realistically afford and not the maximum amount a bank will let us borrow. Our home will sit on a beautiful piece of property owned by my in-laws, that is only a few minutes from downtown. So close, that we can have pizza delivery again!!! It’s the little things. We LOVE the country…but living 20+ minutes from a decent grocery store and having no pizza delivery, that just wasn’t for us. Building has always been a dream of ours and while we’re not quite building our dream home, we are beyond excited to watch half of our vision come to life. If you know me well, you know I dream of being a home designer. So to say that I am on cloud 9 would be an understatement.
Current status: Our plans have been finalized with our draftsman and we sign a contract with our builder very soon! Eeek!! To feel excitement again...it’s such a good feeling. Keep us in your prayers for sure. We’ve got a long journey ahead of us. And stay tuned for house updates. I started an account on Instagram called @building_purelovely as to not drive my family and friends crazy with constant updates and home building questions. I am excited to join this community of so many other families building to make sure we are making the smartest decisions possible with this home.
Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to read this, it means the world to me!
